Top Secret: Do not read unless you are authorized.

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black-opsTHIS IS A SHOPPING ALERT. IT IS RUMORED THAT HIGH-END BOX STORES SHALL BE CONDUCTING OPERATIONS KNOWN AS “BLACK FRIDAY” SALES. THESE OPERATIONS HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO ATTRACT LARGE CROWDS CAUSING EXTREME TENSION AND SCUFFLES IN OBTAINING ITEMS WHICH ARE ESSENTIALLY USELESS IN AN URGENT SITUATION.

FLAGSTAFF MILITARY SURPLUS HAS ISSUED NOTICE OF A COLLISION AVOIDANCE MISSION KNOWN AS THE BLACK OPS FRIDAY SALE. 33% OFF OF EVERYTHING IN THE GUN CASE, 40% OFF OF ALL CROSSBOWS AND BLOWGUNS OR 20% OFF OF ANY ONE ITEM OF YOUR CHOICE. NO RAIN CHECKS, SPECIAL ORDERS OR COMBINED DISCOUNTS.

STOCK INCLUDES BACKPACKS, SLEEPING BAGS, TENTS, WINTER AND LIGHT GLOVES, MEALS READY TO EAT (MRES) AND OTHER NECESSITIES WHICH MIGHT BE USEFUL IN AN EMERGENCY SITUATION. OR FOR JUST HAVING FUN CAMPING AND FISHING.

FURTHER ITEMS INCLUDE PINS, HATS FOR VETERANS OF VARIOUS ERAS, BUMPER STICKERS AND MILITARY MEMORABILIA.

YOU MUST ACCEPT THIS MISSION. HOWEVER, IF YOU CANNOT ACCEPT THIS MISSION, CALL THE NUMBER BELOW IMMEDIATELY AND FIND OUT THE “SECRET” COMPONENT OF THIS SALE.

HAVE A HAPPY THANKSGIVING. THIS IS NOT AN OPTION.

MESSAGE ENDS.

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