WORLD — Last night at about midnight, it appears that it turned to 2016.

Official of the F.B.I. stated that they knew exactly when and where the event would happen, but were powerless to stop it.

“There was really nothing we could do,” an official of the agency told us under conditions of anonymity.

Officials at the Department of Homeland Security have yet to issue a statement.

One source quotes Ahmed Mohamed as saying, “Oh, yeah. You can’t stop the clock.”

Keely Mullen, founder of the Million Student March, stated, “What? When did this—like—happen? The government should have warned us! They need to send us new calendars.”

It is currently unclear what this event means for the near future. Government officials give different versions both good and bad. “But we should concentrate on Battlefield America,” Senator John McCain said. “After all, it is an election year.”