Tag Archives: Humor
Want to hold a monster ball? Coke is giving you the chance.
Do you want to host a big monster bash on Halloween? Coca-Cola is giving you the opportunity. You will just have to wait until October 2015.
Mycokerewards.com holds regular sweepstakes for those who have set up an account. You enter codes for points to apply toward sweepstakes and other offers.
This year they are repeating their sweepstake for a Halloween party. There is no purchase necessary to enter, but you will have to go to the site and see the rules for entry. The Fanta® MCR Halloween Sweepstakes will be offering three $5000 checks for a great Halloween monster ball. Their ad reads
No tricks. Just a treat. $5000 of wicked fun!
There is, however, one little trick to the sweepstake. The drawing is November 3.
Glen’s Political Corollary to Murphy’s Law
©1998 by Glen C. Davis
1. What a candidate tells you they won’t, they will. And vice-versa.
2. Representatives don’t.
3. The amount of effort that a candidate puts into explaining why a project or legislation is not needed is equal to the amount of effort that a candidate will put into getting that project or legislation through.
- Just enough of Congress will vote against an unpopular legislation to ensure its passage.*
4. The newly elected arriving in Washington have only a few days to forget where they come from.
- Exception: Election year.*
5. Whenever government officials are unsure of a next step, a new tax will be added.
- Whenever there is nothing going on in Washington, a new tax will be added.
- Taxes is power.
6. Whenever Congress is ready for recess, a pay raise will be voted in.
- Just enough of Congress will vote against a pay raise to ensure it’s passage.
- Whenever a new tax or pay raise is voted down, a breakdown in communications has occured.
- When recess is called, an immediate tax-payer paid fact finding mission to the Bahamas must be called.
- The politician you do not like is the one responsible for raising the debt ceiling.*
7. When all else fails, pass a law or raise a tax.
8. Polls run the government.
- Politically correct is a term that applies to whatever polls indicate.
- No one in the south-west will be allowed to participate in polls.
9. Tough new anti-criminal laws apply to everywhere in the nation except Washington D.C.
10. Any Congress person attempting to get useful legislation passed will be expected to support at least thirty useless legislations.
11. The amount Congress complains about big government is directly proportional to the amount of bureaucracies they will create.
12. Legislation is not for the benefit of constituents.
- Truth has no place in legislation.
13. People don’t vote. Political Action Committees do.
14. A Congressperson who is unpopular in Washington or popular at home is afraid to fly.
15. Rules for media
- It’s not who knows, but how many know.
- Any devastating issue is a complex issue which the public can’t possibly understand and thus must be covered up (ie. Campaign contributions, Monica Lewinsky)
- Standard answer: “Right-wing Conspiracy.”
- To avoid offending favorite politician, report on singing puppies.*
* Update.
House Democrats respond to border crisis with their proposal
House Democrats have also submitted a proposal on the border crisis lead by Texas Representative Sheila Jackson Lee.
Row, Row, Row your boat, to get government benefits.
This photo appeared on the Facebook page of Gene McVay. It is reported to be a group of American seniors stopped by the Coast Guard off the coast of Texas on July 29.
The story goes:
The Coast Guard intercepted this boat off the Texas coast today.
The boat was not heading to the US, but towards Mexico and central America.
Another surprise finding was that the people were American senior citizens. Their claim was that they were trying to get to Guatemala or Southern Mexico so they could return to the US as illegal immigrants. Then they would be entitled to far more benefits than they had earned as legitimate American retirees after working for 40 years.
It is believed the Coast Guard gave them food and water and turned them loose?
If they come back with tattoos covering their bodies they could get a lollipop from Texas representative Sheila Jackson Lee.
German Chancellor Merkel receives birthday greeting
BBC News reported that German Chancellor Angela Merkel received a birthday serenade during a recent press conference. Chancellor Merkel turned 60 on July 17 and reported that she received flowers from other leaders of the EU. It is not widely reported that the NSA sent a birthday greeting and Bit Coin to her IPhone.
Get strong like rock. Not weak like Barrack.
Williams to follow lead of ADOT on wrong way signage
WILLIAMS – ADOT is posting larger wrong way signs and posting them lower to the ground. The hope is that they will be more eye-catching for drivers. In recent weeks there have been several accidents caused by wrong way drivers.
The Northern Arizona Gazette has learned that the City of Williams is considering the process for signs along their one-way routes of Railroad and Bill Williams Avenue. Bill Williams Avenue is one-way going east in the direction of Flagstaff while Railroad Avenue is one-way going west toward Ash Fork. Both streets are part of the defunct Route 66 highway system.
The City of Williams will have larger signs created. They will also be posted lower to the ground. They will also have a more western-style eye-catching message to drivers going in the wrong direction.
When contacted, City Hall stated, “This is a completely satire piece. It is meant for humor only. You’ve been had.”
Just why did the chicken cross the road?
SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he’s a maverick!
BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.
JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where’s my gun?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way the chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish it’s lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2014, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2014. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
Buy, Buy American Pie
And I’ll be watching you